I Just Realized Something…
I am excessively selfish.
A wise man once told me that, “It is much harder to do stand up comedy for black audiences because ‘black people’ are black first and people second. Whereas white people are people first.”
That truly resonated with me because not only does it make sense in stand up comedy but it makes sense, and is applicable, to life in general.
In love, we emphasize the GIRL/BOY in the words girlfriend and boyfriend when we should be emphasizing the FRIEND in both of those words. As well as the underlying definitions of the words WIFE and HUSBAND.
What makes love completing is knowing that we don’t have to do “life” alone. And the reason we don’t have to do it alone is because we have a FRIEND. Because before all else we have a truly honest and loyal friend. And not only a friend, but the other half to the person we are destined to be.
The responsibilities of a friend are far greater than the responsibilities of a girlfriend/boyfriend or even the responsibilities of a wife or husband. A friend is ALWAYS there. A friend is someone that always answers the phone. A friend wakes up in the middle of the night because you simply need to know that someone is there. The love that we have for true friends is by far greater than the love we have for “significant others”. Why? Because friends don’t have to do the things they do. They just do them because that’s what friends do. The responsibilities of a friend are willingly taken on, whereas the responsibilities of a “significant other” are pre-determined and forced.
Back to me being selfish.
My future husband/life mate/partner/teammate is going through one of the most cumulatively stressful times a person can go through. And for the past week while I have been attentive I have NOT been available or considerate.
The other day I actually told him, “Just because you are going through this situation does not mean that you get to treat me any kind of way you want to.” What I truly failed to realize is that this experience gives him every right to treat me any kind of way he wants to. Why settle for disrespect and ill-treatment? That’s what I’m expecting you to be asking me mentally right now. The answer to that question is complex, so I will answer it in parts.
Why is it not disrespect? It is NOT disrespect because that is NOT what he intends for it to be.
Why is it not settling for ill-treatment? Because it is NOT ill-treatment. It is preferential treatment.
What is preferential about being disrespected? Nothing is preferential about be disrespected, but what you have to realize about a person that is strained emotionally, mentally, and physically, is that they are STRAINED! And that they are strained because they don’t have an available outlet to release their anger and frustration. And as the saying goes, “We are the worst to the people we care the most about.” And it stands true everyday. It takes trust and love to feel comfortable enough with someone to let them see your most vulnerable side. So you have to understand and appreciate the fact that they are actually opening up to you.
How were you being selfish? I was taking the negative behavior personally, in a negative way. I should have been saying, “He has no one else. He is turning to me. My arms need to be open and so does my heart.” But neither were open because I was too concerned with myself and how I was “being treated”. He had let me into his deepest parts and I was still testing the waters instead of diving in head first.
I had a very deep conversation about labels today. I realized that labels are labels and are pre-determined. They come with definitions. But not all of the worlds definitions apply to individual situations. Slang was created and endures for this very reason. Sometimes you need “bad” to mean “good’. But saying “bad” changes everything sometimes. Sometimes what you were saying takes on a life of its own because of one word used, and then YOUR meaning is lost.
Every relationship is different. Therefore it has no definite, concrete definition.
I will continue this later…This is only Part 1.
Go ahead attach a label. LOL